tooth tattoo

I have a tooth tattoo.... I thought I'd just say it was a random addition to an already random arrangement of birds, blades, and moth wings. BUT... its not. This tiny tooth on my arm reminds me of my mom.

There was always a tube of super glue in the bathroom growing up. Sometimes it had a push pin next to it because the lid was lost and a new hole needed to be punched in the top. It was there to glue my mothers teeth back in. The years of meth and general party way too hard attitude...started showing in her teeth. The repercussions of staying up for a week straight went to straight to her teeth. I'm not saying it didn't have an effect on the general day to day events. It did. A lot. But the little super glue bottle sticks out in my memory more so than anything else. Sometimes i would get so mad at her I would hide the bottle or throw it away. Not sure what good it would of done...didn't make me feel any better.

I have a tooth tattoo that reminds me of my mother. Who I love dearly but never want to walk in her same footsteps. Every time i look at the tiny tooth on my arm... it just doesn't scream DON'T DO METH... it tells me... don't end up caught in a life that eats away at who you are... don't hide your feelings in momentary or week long indulgences. enjoy life... don't let your life keep you from living.

so my tiny tooth tattoo has a big part on my random arm.

sepia memories

i have these older memories .... forever i thought they were dreams because i only remembered them in a brown/redish tint. once i was being pulled up on the back of my dads tractor. i heard the pop of my arm coming out of socket. my nana and mom came running over as fast as they could... i screamed so loud. i remember seeing my cat(the one that pooped in my sisters mouth because she squeezed it too hard) stop, look at me, and run. i had a blue sling with daisies my mom made. i always thought it was a dream because of the sepia visuals. i found out a few years ago... it really happened. im just a freak show and have memories in sepia tones.

by way of SxSW....

something new.

i remember when i was seven we use to have a ton of people in and out of the house. my mom always had one or two friends living with us, doing her bidding here and there ...mostly picking up "the girls" (my sister and i) from whatever we were into or doing the million baskets of laundry. my dad always had at least three or four little soldier (that's what my mom called them) running around working on cars, mowing the lawn, or getting into some kind of not so legal activity. but what i remember most when i was seven was my father's hot pink tools. he had an entire garage full of welding equipment, giant wrenches, and other assorted dude stuff. all of it...and i mean all of it was bathed in hot pink spray paint. i would play with them in the garage and get my hands covered in rust and dirt. wipe the rust on my pants and continue the day running around in the woods.

there was this one particular guy that was always trying to impress my dad. his name was jeremy. he was so eager to please my dad, my mom hated him. i remember her cussing him out because one day... a kitten had run to the top of a tree in our yard. my father yelled at jeremy "get that fuckin cat outta the tree..." so my mom would shut up about it. jeremy without hesitation he bolted up the tree. all the way to the top. grabbed the cat, snapped its neck, and threw it out of the tree. my mom screamed and gasped ..."what... what... what the fuck is your problem?!?" my dad ran out of the garage and kicked the shit out of jeremy. jeremy started crying saying "you told me the kill that fuckin cat..." my dad threw him out of the yard but jeremy was back in a couple of days doing my dad's bidding again. this is how ...i loosely use the word "loyal" these little soldiers were to my father... or maybe i should say fearful.

so it was always so surprising to me when my dad found his pink tools in the local pawnshop and found out jeremy had put them there.

my father... calm but upset found jeremy and took him to those same woods i ran around in. he tied jeremy to a tree with rope. he had planned on using his rusty hot pink saw to cut his thieving hand off... but in my father's true style. he had left the saw in the garage. he made the tack back to the house. he picked up the saw. when he made it back to the woods...jeremy had chewed, gnawed, and ripped his way free from the tree. all that was there... was the rope. you would think that kind of incident would have a person fleeing for their life.

i learned how to make fried egg sandwiches that following week... jeremy was one of my first taste testers....

tizzle wizzle

i love the randomness of life. on day everything is happy go lucky sunshine and then bam! its like a jammie party turned knife fight. i just hope i can always be the guy with the stripped jammies.

i like what this guy has to say...

kurt sutter ... creator of SOA

i know. i know ... who cares about some celebrity producer/director... well i appreciate his " i dont give a fuck attitude." its a little refreshing to see someone push for a project they believe in a refuse to let is be washed and refined till there is nothing left...and then succeed. season two is phenomenal.

check him out... its as gritty as mainstream hollywood will get and of course its in the blogosphere.

sutterink.blogspot.com


here is something shiny..

today

i am so scared... of not being here tomorrow... but more than the fear of not being here... i fear not taking the present for the most it has to offer me. today has proven that!

people will suffer great lose... and there hearts will break. and for that i am sad...