i have recently been spending my newly graduated life...on a couch... or painting. when i find myself on the couch ..... i usually turn on anthony's idiot box. i have come to realize.... its all reality television. people who might be a little quirkier than the next on this 20 something inch screen... broadcasting themselves for the world. recently or actually for the past year....this record label guy... he will be dubbed as not mickey rourke. has been trying to follwo robin and i around with cameras. we recently accepted. we will see how that turns out. i'm jsut so intrigued by the idea of letting someone into your life or even putting yourself in a mansion shapped cage to be prodded into a character. can anyone every be themselves with all the lights, cameras, and editing room floor boxing you in. whether your a dating show, documenting your family, working a deadly job, or even just trying to be the next big talent.... o h yes hurricane bear...im asking you too...hahahaha
who knows?
but i'm intrigued so i have started emailing, social network siting, yada yada yada.... questions to these celebReality stars.....well actually just this one question....
i give them the whole spill....yada yada yada... for art sake...
but the question is ....
what do you think reality is?
i am recording all the emails, dates, and responses or lack their off.....
than the following month i will be contacting and asking on the streets the same questions.... lets see how it goes... i will keep you updated on the blog....
a few undeniable amazing moments so far in my teaching experiences...i scroll them down after they happen and just found a few today so here they are in all their transcribed bliss.....BLURP
i dont think i will ever forget darwin... the epitomy of traditional "vato" gangster. looks like a teenager, he is only 18, but has seen more than most people have at 40. his hair fresh with a new fade and a cadillace logo design.... he only speaks in spanish when talking to his friends and it usually is chalked full of guns, drugs, and profanity that would make FOX blush. but today i ust laughed because as his usual story was coming out of his mouth he was also fighting with the most vicious candy. his face was full of such concentration, trying to get his story about fucking up some dude who was rollin in his spot and chewing this long piece of rainbow powder sugar candy string. he picked up the least stick of the too ends dangled in his mouth careful not to let any sugar fall on him or his lap, all the while with his pinky out. the messier it got the dainter he became in the battle with the rainbow EXTREME candy. it really put the whole world into perspective at that moment.
i have never been single for very long. i suffer from the need to be connected.... not always in the traditional relationship...but either sexually or socially. funny thing is the two rarely cross for me. its a little twisted. i think it shows a character flaw or a keen ability to compartmentalize my emotions. either way. at least i have observed the nature of these habits and why i may not understand them i am fully aware they exist.
i once used every ex i had for a performance. i found them out, called, emailed, texted, or showed up on their doorsteps. i became acquainted again...just to ask one question. leave me a message say what you need to say. but whatever it is tell the voice mail why we didnt work out. i didnt listen to the messages until i was sitting in a room full of people. i reacted to each... i let everyone hear what they had to say. some said nice things, others said i still had their stuff, one said i have a keen inability to let people love me, and my favorite was when one finally admitted that they had fucked our therapist. no matter who they were....they were all so different. the only common thread any of them had was i once shared some time space and commitments with them. i realized then my only type was interesting people. i have to first be interested in you as a person before i could ever be attracted to you. so it puts me in a weird situation of never dwelling on one person for too long. its not that i get bored. things just get to a point where they are stale. its not that 5am conversation that makes your heart ache so badly because you've connected.... anymore.
im a little obsessed with first kisses.
recently has been the first time in a long time. that i have regretted how i compartmentalize things. i never thought someone else would be pushed away by my ambition...what am i saying. it has happened before. maybe i thought someone who is as ambitions as i would not push me away because if anything they could understand. and they also seemed to compartmentalize thing very well....socially.
in not so eloquent words. i was dropped. out of left field for me. it was quite a blow to my ego. usually i would be out there that evening filling the void. and usually very successfully filling the void with the next whatever. it never takes more than a week at most. so i find it very interesting that a week later im not interested in filling anything. im not sure if its because im just being too introspective over this... my ego is a little bruised. or if i was really caught up on this person. im not really sure. but its food for thought.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I absolutely love this project. Just asking a simple question can open your eyes to the hundreds of peoiple you pass everyday and they are all individuals.... they all have quirks. hopes.dreams.cheese factor components insert here....
I am working on a video project for the fringe festival in may. most my blog post for a while will probably be about that project 15 relationships 60 stories.
