Monday, October 18, 2010

on the wall

soon to be scrawled...

this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling

Sunday, October 17, 2010

back in highlands

my sister's boyfriend took his elbow to her eye socket two weeks ago. i saw her yesterday. it looks bad- swollen and definitely going to scar. she down played it. after about three years of dating fist instead of actual boyfriends she is pretty nonchalant about.

my mother thought the best solution to my sister serial return to her abusive boyfriends was a sit down with what my sister aptly named "the old timers.." i believe it was 4 old drug addict-thieves...and a biker. they all sat down in a house in the middle of clover leaf. but right as they pulled up to the house/trailer hybrid 4 boys came running up with a giant box of vhs tapes. my sister asked where the tapes came from---the boys said they found them in the woods with a bunch of clothes. the tapes all had names like Pure Country-adventure or Law and Order:Criminal. The boys wanted 50cents a piece. my sister being who she is ...tells the boys... "i ain't got no money...but i'm a girl and your three boys... so each one of ya'll give me a tape because i'm cute." it worked. they each gave her a tape and my mom bought two for two dollars. a couple of the old timers bought a few as well. the boys ran off with their giant box of vhs.

my sister said when she was inside... kent... the guy who owned the house popped on of the tapes in...and discovered it wasn't pure country with george strait. it was a homemade porno. and so was everyone of the following tapes they put in the player. those four boys had a 10 year old's goldmine of naughty tapes and didn't even know it.

the following is where it gets weird... kent refused to turn the tape off as they all sit down to talk at the dining room table. they each gave a serious spill about how abusive relationships eventually need to no or jail. sister said she kept trying to concentrate but couldn't because she could hear some woman getting spanked and taking it "real hard," every time someone had a pause in conversation.

then she says it was kent's turn to talk and he started off with... "now sister i have a serious question (while pure cuntry was playing loudly in the background) like that freaky shit don't you... first it starts with a pull my hair than slap me... than fuck you got a gash in your head and he done stole your truck... you don't look like it but you into that freak shit huh..?" sister just looked at him in astonishment and started laughing. kent continued with"here i'll show you some pictures... remember jewel. i use to beat the fuck out of her. green eyes all swoll up ..knock her teeth out. mean shit. you like that. you shouldn't. it aint no good." he showed whitney and everyone at the table a shoe box of photos of jewel with black eyes..missing teeth...nots on the back of her head. really sad shit that he was sort of proud of and sort of ashamed of. the sort of memories connected to feelings someone who can't articulate what feeling are have...

she said they all talked for about an hour more after this..some woman tried to braid her hair during the conversation. sister couldn't finish telling me the rest of the story she started choking on a beef jerky strip and was distracted. people started showing the story ended. but i think i got the highlights. or low-lights.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

! fucking theif !

my best friends are running away to brooklyn in less than a week. i am ignoring the giant elephant that is their departure. i'm terrible with goodbyes and crying. i don't think i even cried when i slammed my fingers in the car door and lost my pointer fingernail in the parking lot of mcdonalds... when i was five. i'm probably lying ... i probably cried like a little bitch. i have a feeling the same will happen next week. so brooklyn... fuck you.